As a married-for-six-years dad of two kiddos, I’m always looking to increase PDA (public displays of affection) in my life. Alas, all I’ve been able to pull off is a SouthPark Mall hand-hold for 17 seconds before my wife said, “Wait, what are you doing?”
But summer, the season of love, is here. So it’s time to get outdoors, fall in love and kiss.
Good news for you is that after countless months of make-out research, I’ve developed a top 10 list of places to avoid when you’re looking for an outdoor summer make-out session in the 100-degree heat.
[Related Agenda story: 5 places to go when you want to make out on the dance floor]
#10 Romare Bearden Park
Whether it’s children on the spray grounds, construction workers on their lunch break or Instagram photographers taking skyline shots, you’ll be watched.
#9 BB&T Ballpark
Nothing gets the romantic juices flowing like a funnel cake, corn dog and hot dog with a pretzel bun as you bake in the sun. While seemingly a good idea, the only real privacy you’ll have is on the outfield hill – rolling down that hill, kissing, would absolutely get you on the Windsor Jewelers Agenda kiss cam.
#8 City Lights
Sure, this may seem like a no-brainer outdoor make-out spot, but with youngsters taking Instagram Stories of their overpriced but trendy-as-hell Sparkle & Pop drinks, you’ll be broadcast all over the internet. And who puts $14 cocktails in plastic cups? City Lights.
#7 Soul Gastrolounge patio
Arguably, the best date night restaurant (although Al Mike’s is close) in Charlotte, you’ll be tempted to kiss while sipping one of their delicious cocktails as you wait for a table. But it’s too crowded on the second-floor patio and it’s just too hip for an outdoor make-out.
#6 Dilworth Tasting Room back courtyard patio
With no screens to distract patrons and the quiet sounds of the koi pond outside, a patio make-out session at DTR means that you’ll be on display to the sophisticated crowd. Nobody wants to hear somebody kissing. Weird. If you’re going to do this, at least buy the other tables a bottle of rose (so hot right now).
Our city’s deep, profound love for Topgolf means that it’s so slammed on Friday nights that you’ll often experience 3-4 hour wait times. By the time you’re in your hitting bay, you’re either hammered with too many Citrus Cubana Vodka Cocktails ($16, served in their signature take-home mugs) or too sleepy for kissing.
#4 Freedom Park
Consistently one of the most overrated romantic spots in Charlotte, making out at Freedom Park means battling the goose poop and odd smells. Buzzkill. This is the place people go for staged engagement photos, not real romance.
#3 Museum Tower rooftop pool
You’ll be watched by Duke Energy employees, Wells Fargo employees and some law firms on the top floors. Kinda creepy, but if you’re into that, more power to you.
#2 Olde Mecklenburg Brewery
As the #1 brewery for babies, it’s unlikely you’ll have the space to make out before a toddler who’s there for a 3-year-old birthday party runs into you. And with low alcohol percentage beers, it’s hard to get the right mood. Better to opt for a pretzel instead of a kiss (they’re delicious and pair well with a big boy mug of Copper).
#1 Airport Overlook
In your mind, you’re picturing a beautiful picnic with a cheese plate from Reid’s while watching planes overhead. In reality, you’ll be sweating with a ton of other families on uncomfortable bench seating wishing you were on one of the many private jets taking off and trying not to get a whiff of passengers that may be farting.
Summer lovers, with these buzzkill locations in mind, go forth and make the right venue decision for the perfect outdoor summer make-out.
Note: According to the data, summer is actually for one-night stands, but this is a wholesome publication, so I didn’t take that angle.