Translating Charlotte Internet behavior 101

Translating Charlotte Internet behavior 101
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Welcome to the wild frontier of the Internet. Let’s explore together. Here are some things people do here and what they mean.

Facebook

Behavior: Replying “interested” to a Facebook invite

Translation: Absolutely not showing up.

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Behavior: Replying “going” to a Facebook invite

Translation: Cloudy with an 80% chance of not going.

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Behavior: Posting a vague excuse on the wall of a Facebook event to explain why you can’t make it like, “OMG I’m SO bummed I can’t make it to this. I already have plans.”

Translation: Your plans are this…

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Behavior: Not replying to a Facebook invite.

Translation: 50% chance of showing up unannounced with your weird friend and without any alcohol to contribute.

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Twitter

Behavior: Unfollowing someone.

Translation: It’s just part of the circle of life. Someone had to go. No hard feelings.

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Behavior: Being unfollowed by someone.

Translation: They hate me. Do they hate me? I’m a monster. What did I say in the last 24 hours? Do I offend people? Am I worthy of love? Am I still alive?

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JUST KIDDING, ACTUAL TRANSLATION: This is what it’s like to be unfollowed by someone…

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Behavior: Muting someone.

Translation: I can’t unfollow you because you’ll see it when you try to DM me again so I’m just turning your volume all the way down to avoid drama.

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Behavior: Subtweeting, the act of vaguely talking (read: complaining) about a person or entity without tagging said person or entity so they can join the conversation.

Translation: Ooh burn. You are hilarious and witty but aren’t brave enough to tag the person in question so no one sees it and thus no one cares.

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Instagram

Behavior: Tagging your friend in the same hilarious meme they tagged you in AT THE SAME TIME.

Translation: You are soul mates.

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Behavior: Posting an inspirational quote about how strong you are.

Translation: You are a fragile mess right now.

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Behavior: Posting fitspiration and/or healthy food photos.

Translation: You’re on the couch like…

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Behavior: Your ex liking an Instagram post of you looking fire.

Translation: He/she’s interested (and drunk) but you’re like…

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Behavior: Your crush liking an Instagram post of you looking fire.

Translation: He/she’s interested and you’re like…

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Behavior: Commenting on an Instagram post but not liking it.

Translation: An attempt to support the shady and/or embarrassing things you like while preventing your shady and/or embarrassing behavior from popping up in your friends’ “Following” activity notifications. For example, no one needs to know that “katie_levans liked 8 photos” if they’re all of kittens and Kardashians. That’s between me and the kittens and the Kardashians.

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