If you’re expecting fireworks from minute one of date one, you’ve watched too many rom-coms — and it’s time for a shift in your perspective.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re single or have been married for a decade. We’ve all been on a dumpster fire of a first date.
I once had someone tell me he was going to use the restroom. After 20 minutes, I got up to look for him, concerned for his well-being. He was fine. More than fine, in fact, as he was at the bar, chatting away with a group of women.
Needless to say, there was no need for a second date.
Aside from extreme examples like that one, a second date is necessary.
Dating is awkward.
You’re meeting someone new and are using the tiny bits of (probably incorrect) information you’ve gathered via their social media and a little bit of texting to feign familiarity. Then you have roughly two hours to determine if there’s a real-life connection. They’re going to talk too much or too little. So are you. Someone’s going to tell a regrettable story.
But many single people are too hesitant to give someone a second shot if they didn’t have immediate and overwhelming chemistry.
A mediocre first date doesn’t mean you have no future. It means you need more time to see what the two of you are like together when you can both relax.
When I send Agenda readers out for my Blind Date series, I remind them to go in with an open mind since they’ve never seen or spoken to each other. They agree, but then usually tell me despite the conversation flowing pretty well and sharing few laughs, there was no chemistry.
It leaves me baffled.
You laughed. You talked consistently for several hours with a stranger. That’s step one.
Now give it another chance when you can both take a breath and not spend half the time thinking about the fact that you’re on a blind date.
The same thing applies on non-blind dates. Yes, sometimes first dates are a homerun from the get-go, and that’s awesome.
In many cases, it’s a slower process of getting to know the other person and seeing if there’s trust, comfort and a spark there.